I’m forever amazed at how quickly people expect to bounce back after a big life change. I often hear my clients say: “I left my corporate job/my marriage/school/moved across the country/retired a while ago, but I don’t feel any desire to work on my business/dive into studies/get creative in the studio. What’s wrong with me?”

The special sauce that coaches bring is their unique perspective, experience and ability to open doors to new possibilities. It’s also smart to have a mountaineering buddy when you push to explore a place you’ve never been. Preferably one who understands the terrain.

At its core, calendar phobia is often about deconditioning from a system that separates us from the flow of our needs and desires. We might feel like we are at school raising our hand to be allowed to use the bathroom and fighting our impulses and urges to run around or rest. If you’ve only known scheduling as a tool of the systems that felt oppressive, then it’s not going to feel comfortable to start putting things in your calendar.

Recently I’ve noticed people don’t always make decisions in the way they think they do.
It looks like they are deciding. They’re talking about it, they’re weighing pros and cons. They’re hesitating. They’re doubting themselves. But ultimately, The decision has already been made, They’re just convincing themselves of it.

If only it ever worked! How amazing would that be? I would personally have saved myself years of struggle if I had been able to listen to advice. I can’t do it. Fundamentally incapable. And I suspect a few of you out there are like me too. Every time I’ve given in to the temptation to tell clients what to do during a session, give advice or otherwise direct the conversation I’ve regretted it.

You know, the thing that everyone else thinks is so obviously the best thing to do. The thing you would be crazy to say no to, but… that leaves you with a small sinking feeling deep inside.

Listen to that feeling. That small sigh is the sound of everything in you that yearns to be born.

All jargon aside, my favourite metaphor to explain coaching is a captain/navigator relationship. My client is the captain and chooses which star we are navigating towards. As the navigator, I use all of my tools to keep that star in sight, and plot our relationship to it.

When I was embarking on my un-schooling journey I read account after account of other people’s journeys. I was looking for inspiration, permission, but mostly the comfort of seeing that I might be able to take this wild leap into my own path and be ok.
So, in the spirit of solidarity, here is part of my story.