Can’t keep a schedule? It’s not your fault. Here’s what can help.
Some people will fight tooth and nail to avoid using their calendars. It makes them feel like they’re being put in a cage. Ok, it’s me. I’m some people. And I’ve met many clients who feel the same. Here’s why and what to do about it.
At its core, calendar phobia is often about resisting a system that separates us from the flow of our needs and desires. We might feel like we are at school, raising our hand to be allowed to use the bathroom and fighting our impulses to run around or rest.
If you’ve only known scheduling as a tool of oppressive systems, you likely feel one of two ways about your calendar:
If you resisted and rebelled against being controlled, trying to use your calendar might feel uncomfortable and even threatening.
If you survived oppression by becoming a perfectionist, you might feel totally dependent on those little boxes, and the thought of unstructured time might make you a little queasy.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with either of these states. The only trouble is both extremes rob us of choice. And choice = freedom. It’s what we want in the first place: The freedom to be ourselves, to choose, and to know we’ll still be loved.
The perspective-shifting reframe :
The calendar is not here to keep me in, but to keep other things out. The calendar is here to protect my time, interests, passions and priorities. It is a tool that I wield to experience more freedom. It’s part of the gate around my inner garden, and it creates a safe space for the tender shoots of joy, satisfaction and peace to grow. Scheduling can be a shield against the constant demands of late-stage capitalism and a way to protect your peace and freedom.
First steps for healing your relationship with your calendar:
For the schedule avoiders: What if you scheduled unstructured time? Try drawing the negative space around the ting instead of the thing. Instead of adding a bunch of to-dos into your calendar, focus on the to-don’t instead. For example: from 2-4pm I don’t have to be available for calls/emails etc…
For the schedule devotees: use your organization skills to do a schedule audit. How much of my time goes towards me, my dreams and my goals? Do I block out time for rest? Does the order I’m doing things in actually work for me? (for example, maybe you’re forcing yourself to get up early and be creative, but you don’t feel fully functional until 4 pm).
We’re not trying to go from one extreme to another, the goal is to create more space for yourself. I think you deserve that.
XO Annalee
Are you looking to build better boundaries around your creative work and practice? As a coach, helping my clients rebuild a better relationship to work and creativity is what I live for. Learn more here.