The “no” that opens doors
Freedom through Commitment, by Annalee Kornelsen. All rights reserved.
One of the hardest things to do when we’re rebuilding trust in our inner knowing is listening to it when it says “no”.
You know the scenario: a “Big Shiny Opportunity (tm)” comes along. You’ll connect with so many important people and they will all respect you! All of the doors will open and your career will take off and flourish! This is it! Except… it’s not quite… right. There’s a feeling of compromise you can’t quite pinpoint. A feeling of being swept off your feet in a way that’s hard to put into words. You see two paths in front of you: One smooth and straight, and the one you’ve been bushwhacking and carving out for yourself. The one that doesn’t really exist yet because only you can create it.
Sometimes the “Big Shiny Opportunity (tm)” lines up perfectly (or almost perfectly) with the path. Those times feel different: there’s a feeling of fear and excitement that comes from staring your dreams in the face. These are not the times I’m talking about.
How to tell them apart:
I’m talking about the apple in the garden, and the snake whispering in your ear. The sweet seduction of the thing that offers to relieve you of seeing your own value as you are, by painting you over with prestige, recognition, and outside approval. You know, the thing that everyone else thinks is so obviously the best thing to do. The thing you would be crazy to say no to, but… that leaves you with a small sinking feeling deep inside.
Listen to that feeling. That small sigh is the sound of everything in you that yearns to be born.
What to do next:
Now, I’m not saying that you should automatically jump and say no. What is called for here is curiosity. Dig a little deeper. Understand what that heaviness is and what part of you feels like it will have to wait in the wings or maybe never come out. Sometimes there’s a way to work together. A new path or compromise becomes clear that feels liberating.
But as you do so, here are some words of comfort. It takes strength to choose your own path in the face of one well-worn and full of acclaim. It feels crazy and like you might be veering off into the unknown. Because you are. Because everything unique and creative that you have to offer is by definition unknown. There is a LOT of current out there rushing to very specific places, and if those places aren’t for you then you will need to stay alert, and use your strength to steer your boat down this river to where you want to go.
Sometimes, the door that opens when you say no is the door into your very soul and the heart of your purpose.
What do you secretly long to say no to, even though it seems crazy?
xo Annalee
If tuning into that small still voice feels difficult for you, or if you have trouble trusting it and keep saying yes even when you feel that inner wobble or pull in another direction, I might be able to help. As a coach, I make it my mission to be your inner voice’s fiercest advocate, but also gentle with the traumas and conditioning that make it hard to listen to it. If that sounds good, you can learn more here.