One of the biggest obstacles to achieving goals, and how to get around it

Read me in 1.32 mins

Growth and change are uncomfortable, there’s no getting around it. But when we pull out all of our willpower and aim for spartan levels of virtue and self-control we set ourselves up for failure. The tendency makes sense: Our hero-loving society draws a lot of associations between comfort, and laziness. Even cowardice. But while do need to grow and change, comfort is our body's benchmark for safety. It's a sign of balance and a basic human need.

The obstacle: setting big goals without considering our needs.

We aren't meant to live our whole lives at the edge of our capacity. Comfort is a home we return to repair, recharge, and ready ourselves for the next push into the unknown. When I hear my clients describe the 15 things they are doing to push themselves, and then wonder why they self-sabotage, I picture their nervous system as a toddler throwing a tantrum because it's been a week since they had a snack or a hug. Of course, they’re falling off the wagon. In their excitement to start a new life, they’ve forgotten that everything they had a good reason for doing everything they were doing.

We often try to eliminate the things we do for comfort (comfort eating, comfort scrolling) without stopping to think that maybe comfort is something we actually need and deserve.

3 steps for setting achievable goals:

Step 1: do an inventory of the changes you will need to make to achieve your goal.

Step 2: look at each thing you are about to change and see if it is meeting a need.

Step 3: Find a way to meet each need that supports (or at least doesn’t interfere with) achieving your goal.

It’s very human to set a goal without playing it through in our mind and anticipating some of the challenges. I make this mistake all the time. And I’d probably be out of a job if it wasn’t an almost universal tendency. Hiring a coach is a good way to go, but starting with these steps will go a long way.

xo Annalee

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